


No Rest

by CrashDevil (cjdevlin19)



Series: Best Laid Plans Series [12]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, Reader-Insert, a/b/o dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:13:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24999637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjdevlin19/pseuds/CrashDevil
Summary: The tension between Sam and Y/n is palpable after their trip through the Trickster’s fact timeline and time keeps ticking on Dean’s deal. Will they be able to heal the damage before Dean gets sent down, or will the end of Dean be the end of it all?~~~~He tried to talk to you, but you shrugged it off. “We’ve got more important shit to deal with right now,” you snapped.“No, we don’t. No, we don’t, Y/n.” Sam stepped close, looking down at you. “We’re under siege. We might die and I need-”“I’ve died,” you reminded him. “Been there, done that. It’s no big deal. No reason to get dramatic.”“We need to talk about it!” he whispered, furiously, anger permeating his scent.“No. We don’t. We don’t need to talk about what you did. Why would we need to talk about it?”
Series: Best Laid Plans Series [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1526507
Comments: 7
Kudos: 39





	No Rest

**Story Warnings** : angst…A/B/O dynamics, canon divergence, angst, Dean dying, mentions of coerced marking, mentions of controlling Sam, mentions of Sam doing bad things in the alternate timeline…did I mention angst?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You kept your face in a book as often as possible. You weren’t really reading. You weren’t really trying to find a way out of Dean’s deal. You just couldn’t deal with either of the Winchester brothers.

Dean, who didn’t want you, who barely acknowledged you. You screamed in your head as he hummed Metallica under his breath as he drove. It frustrated you to no end that he kept you at arm’s length. After you went Hell for him? After everything you endured for him?

And Sam, well, he was a completely different kind of fucked up. Sam wanted you because you wanted Dean. Sam was his own brand of torture, the six months the Trickster put you through was proof of that.

Sam tried to talk to you a few times, especially after Bela Talbot got the three of you arrested in Monument. That FBI agent had been convinced that Dean and Sam had kidnapped you, brainwashed you into sticking with them to be their omega. He wanted to take you to a psychologist. Until the demons attacked.

After they were released from their cell, Sam came to retrieve you from the interrogation room where Henriksen had you waiting. He tried to talk to you, but you shrugged it off. “We’ve got more important shit to deal with right now,” you snapped.

“No, we don’t. No, we _don’t_ , Y/n.” Sam stepped close, looking down at you. “We’re under siege. We might die and I need-”

“I’ve died,” you reminded him. “Been there, done that. It’s no big deal. No reason to get dramatic.”

“We need to talk about it!” he whispered, furiously, anger permeating his scent.

“No. We don’t. We don’t need to talk about what you did. Why would we need to talk about it?”

“Look, I was in a dark place, Y/n. I wasn’t thinking about-”

“ _I don’t wanna talk about it!_ ” you almost shrieked, your scent filling with a mild panic. “I don’t want to talk about it,” you repeated. “And we have more important things to deal with. Please, stop.”

He let it go after that…for a while, but you knew that he was going to start up on it again. It was just a matter of when.

John came back after the incident at the police station. You were happy to see he was still young, that his lead on the witch hadn’t panned out.

“Can’t leave you kids alone for a few weeks without you getting scooped up by the feds?” he asked as he climbed down from his truck and slammed the door.

“It was Bela’s fault,” Dean defended.

“Right, and who let her get the Colt in the first place?” John asked, raising an eyebrow. Dean rolled his eyes and looked away angrily but you rushed forward to hug the only Winchester you weren’t currently pissed off at. “Hey, darlin’. Lovin’ the warm welcome.”

“Just glad to have you back, John.” You stepped away from the embrace, cheeks heating up as Sam glared at you. “It’s been a long time.”

“A month is a long time to you?”

“It’s been a lot longer for me.”

“Right.” He nodded. “Dean filled me in. All those Tuesdays, huh? Must’ve been hard to deal.”

“Yeah. To say the least.” You avoided Sam’s gaze as you headed into the motel room and grabbed two beers; one for you and one for John. Sam sighed and grabbed two more beers for him and Dean. “I’m just glad you’re back. It’s getting close to…you should be here,” you concluded.

“Yeah, that’s, uh, one'a the reasons I came back.” His eyes flashed to Dean who swallowed almost audibly. “We got any last-ditch ideas?”

“No. But we’re not at ‘last-ditch’ yet. We’ve got some more time. We’re at, like, fourth-to-last ditch,” you responded. “We’re not giving up until the clock strikes midnight on Sam’s birthday.”

“Even then, we’ll keep looking,” Sam promised.

“Right. We’re gonna keep going,” you agreed.

“Yeah, sure. 'Keep trying’,” Dean snapped, taking a pull off of his beer. “Well, now that the not-so-old man is here, I wanna do the Morton House.”

Your eyes snapped to his. “The Morton House? What, you’re dying on a leap year so you want us to die with you?”

“We’ll take precautions! It’s the Morton House!” Dean exclaimed. “It’s like our Grand Canyon! We gotta at least go see it! Even if we don’t solve it, we gotta see it!”

You, Sam, and John all rolled your eyes, but you went anyway. Last request of a dying man and all that. Of course, a group of amateurs showed up to mess the whole thing.

"Ghostfacers? Really? That’s what you went with?” you asked Ed, derisively. The beta turned to you and looked you up and down.

“What are you even doing here? Someone decided to bring his girlfriend on a ghost hunt?”

“Says the guy who brought his boyfriend,” you returned, looking over at the intern Corbett.

“I’m not gay!” he snapped. “And I don’t make up the rules, okay? Omegas don’t investigate the paranormal. It’s just not done.”

John chuckled as he put his hand on your shoulder. “You really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’ve been _hunting_ the paranormal since before you were running your little Geocities website in your mommy’s basement. Do not test me,” you said, quietly and fiercely. Ed adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat, obviously nervous. “You don’t know what I’ve been through. You don’t know what I’ve done. So keep your prejudice to yourself.”

“I’m not…I’m not prejudiced! I love omegas! My mom’s an omega!”

“Quit while you’re ahead, kid.”

“Kid? You’re not that much older than me, man,” Ed said indignantly. You and John just laughed. “No, seriously, how old are you, dude?”

“Fifty-three,” you and John answered simultaneously.

Ed scoffed. “No, really.” You just shrugged and walked away, flashlight in hand. “Who _are_ you people?”

“We’re the ones who know what we’re doing.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Waking up on a cot in a room with the scent of three alphas always clouded your mind for a few moments before you cleared your head. Dean and John’s scents were less prominent when you woke up in the motel room in Ohio. They must have gone out. But Sam was still around, sitting on his bed with his laptop across his thighs. You sat up and reached over your head to stretch your muscles out. “Anything new on Dean’s deal?” you asked, already knowing the answer was ‘no’.

“No. Not…no.” He shook his head and closed the laptop. “I think…I think we’re going to lose him.”

You closed your eyes and shook your head. “No. We’ll figure it out.”

“We have five weeks, Y/n…and he’s taking us on other jobs! We’re not going to be able to-”

“Sam, stop.”

“We’re going to lose him,” he repeated. “Just like we did in the Trickster’s world.”

“I don’t wanna talk about the Trickster’s world,” you said, standing from the cot.

Sam stood quickly and grabbed your arms. “We’ve been _not talking_ about it for months. We’re about to go through exactly what the Trickster put us through! We need to work this out!”

“What is there to work out?!” you shouted. “You wouldn’t let me leave, Sam. You waited until I went into heat and then took what you wanted from me.”

“And I gave you something too, didn’t I?” he snapped. “Something no one else ever did! You’re just gonna act like the pup didn’t-”

“I didn’t want it! I was still mourning Dean and I was stuck with you! You marked me when I was vulnerable and knocked me up and you want me to be happy about what you gave me?” You looked up into his eyes and reached up to grab his wrists, prying his hands off of your arms. “You wanna fix us before Dean goes to Hell so that I won’t fucking _leave_ as soon as the Hellhounds grab him, but you can’t. You cannot fix this! So stop trying!” you bit out as the door opened and John walked into the motel room. You immediately stepped away from Sam and rushed into the bathroom as the older alpha’s eyebrows came together.

You took a few minutes to collect yourself, releasing your anger with deep breathing, and then you walked back out into the main room. John was alone, sitting at the table with a meatball sub. He pulled half of it off of the wrapper and set it on a napkin across the small table. You sat down and nodded your thanks. “Where’d he go?” you asked, picking at the bread.

“Went for a run…again. Think he was just lookin’ for an excuse to be outta here. You guys seemed kinda…tense? You’ve seemed tense for a while.”

“Just say you heard me and ask for an explanation, John. Don’t insult my intelligence.”

He chuckled and nodded. “Okay. I heard you say Sammy marked you and knocked you up. Wanna explain?”

You sighed and showed him both sides of your neck to show that you were still without a claiming mark. “Dean told you about the Tuesdays…well, it was more complicated than that. We had…a couple hundred Tuesdays…and then we had a Wednesday, and Dean still died. Sam and I, we tried to get the day to start over and it didn’t…Dean stayed dead for six months. You weren’t around, Sam begged me to stay when Bobby called me back to Sioux Falls. It was all…it was all more of the Trickster’s punishment or lesson or whatever, but…Sam changed when Dean died. He…" You looked across the table and licked your bottom lip between your teeth. “He was a lot like you. He was hard and singularly-focused, and he was angry. Angry at the Trickster for taking Dean from us, angry at Dean for dying…angry at me the most, because of how I feel for Dean.”

You shook your head. “I don’t know if it was jealousy or just…malice, but…he wouldn’t let me leave when I went into heat. He was…so mean. Marked me, knotted me, wouldn’t let me get a Plan B the next day. By the time we caught up with the Trickster and got him to fix things, I was just starting the second trimester with a child…I kinda hated. I feel terrible saying that, but…I didn’t want it. It’s why I got a birth control implant as soon as I was able to once we got back. If Sam goes cold like that again…I won’t let him do that to me again.”

“He apologize?” John asked as you picked up the sandwich.

“Haven’t really given him the opportunity,” you answered, before taking a bite of the sandwich. “What you overheard was the closest we’ve come to talking about it. I just can’t talk to him about this. It was some of the worst time in my life…even though it didn’t really happen.”

“Does Dean know?”

“No. And he hasn’t asked, even though I know he’s noticed the cold shoulder I’ve been giving Sam.” You shrugged. “Don’t think he wants to know and why would I put that kind of drama on him when he’s dying in a month?”

“Then I’ll make sure not to mention it in front of Dean, then.”

“But you plan to mention it?” you asked.

John tilted his head and looked in your eyes. “I taught my boys better than that, Y/n.”

You nodded. “I get that, but…you guys have been pretty okay recently and I don’t want to be the reason that gets all messed up.”

“I’m his father. I’d rather correct his behavior now.” He reached out and rested his hand on your arm. “You deserve better than that.”

You looked down at his hand. You did deserve better than that. Your cheeks heated up as you took a deep breath, his scent filling your head. You wanted to kiss him. You shook your head and patted his hand before going back to your half of the sandwich. “Have I told you that you seem like a much better man since I’ve been back from the Underworld?”

“Did I tell you that your dying was the catalyst for a change in me?” he asked.

“How’s that?” you asked.

“You sacrificed yourself for my boy. It’s exactly what Mary woulda done. She would have sacrificed herself for me. She would have sacrificed herself for Sam and Dean. You’re so much like her…and I wish I was _more_ like her, more like you. So I’ve been trying to be better.”

You smiled and shook your head. “You give me too much credit comparing me to Mary, John. I’m just a dumbass who made an emotional decision and gave up the gun that Dean was going crazy to find after Bela took it.”

“Whoever said Mary wasn’t a dumbass never met the woman,” he said with a smirk. “She was the most bullheaded, crazy woman I ever met…until she got pregnant and then she calmed down a lot. Still a spitfire when she got mad, though.“

You chuckled. That did sound a bit like you. "Well, thank you for the compliment, John.”

“You’re welcome.”

When Sam walked in a half hour later, covered in sweat and smelling like angry alpha, John nodded at you and you patted his shoulder before walking out of the motel room. You sat on the curb outside the room, twiddling your thumbs. The argument wasn’t loud enough to hear at first, just a murmur of their voices, but eventually the volume raised and you could hear the content. “You wanna talk about forcing her into things, Dad?! You imprinted on her when she was _eighteen_! She never had a choice!”

“I have never forced her to do anything and I never marked her, never kept her like a damn possession!”

“It didn’t _happen_! It was fake! It was the Trickster messing with-”

“It was real to _her_! She remembers it just the same as you do, Sam! You fuckin’ hurt her! It’s bad enough that we’re about to lose Dean, you’ve made it where we’re gonna lose _her_ too!”

“She’s not dying again, she’s just gonna go back to Bobby’s! We’re not losing her! And if you hadn’t come in and interrupted us, I might have been able to get her to forgive me for-”

“She’s not gonna forgive you! She hated what you did!”

“She’ll get over it! She’s been through worse and she knows that I didn’t mean to-”

“Of course you meant to! How could you possibly think you didn’t mean to mark her and force her to have your pups?”

“I was depressed! I was-”

“You think she wasn’t?!”

The sound of the Impala’s engine pulled you from your eavesdropping and you closed your eyes as he got out of the car with a bag from the local liquor store. He sighed as he heard the shouting in the room. “Guess it was too much to hope that they’d keep shit civil until I died,” he said, sitting down next to you on the curb and pulling a bottle of whisky. He took a long gulp and offered the bottle to you. You took it and burned your throat on the liquor before handing it back. “What are they fighting about?”

“Me,” you answered honestly. “They’ll be done soon, I’m sure.”

“He doesn’t really have a right to be tryin’ to tell Sam what he’s allowed to do with you. Sam’s more your alpha than anybody else,” Dean said, before taking another drink.

“I don’t have an alpha,” you said as the shouting died down in the room.

Dean looked over at you, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “It’s supposed to be-”

“I’m gonna remind you of something I said when you first started pushing me toward your brother,” you said, standing and looking down at him. “I don’t let people tell me who I’m supposed to be. I’m my own person…and I will continue to be my own person, even after you die.”

“Givin’ up on me already, huh?” he said, quietly, as you started to walk away.

“Not anymore than you have,” you responded, walking toward the street.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You rode in John’s truck after that. You felt more comfortable with him than you did with Sam or Dean…which was weird. There was a point in time when you hated him as much as you loved his sons. Oh, how times changed.

As the time ticked down, as the hours seemed to speed up and Dean’s numbered days got even shorter, you got closer to John. There was a bit of commiseration of misery in the way you and John stuck by each other through the crocotta job and the zombie Sam insisted you go on. Sam didn’t hide the fact that he was unhappy about you spending all your time with John, but Dean kept his mouth shut about it. One time you heard him quietly telling Sam to keep his opinion to himself. “Leave ‘er alone about it. She’s not gonna come around just ‘cause you’re bein’ a dick. In fact, that’s probably gonna push her away even more. Keep your opinion locked in your head.”

You were down to the wire, the last two days before his deal came up. Dean managed to get his hands on Ruby’s demon-killing knife and you ended up in an empty house in New Harmony, Indiana with the Winchesters and Bobby working on the last of the last-ditch ideas. Lilith was in a little girl, in a house across the cul de sac. The plan was to take her out…despite the fact that the girl she inhabited was completely innocent.

Bobby and John went to bless the water to make it abrasive to the demons and you and the boys went to take out the demons Dean had already pointed out. When Ruby showed up, demanding her knife back, you bristled at her sudden appearance but kept your mouth shut as she said that it was already over, that Sam should have let her teach him how to save Dean before and because he resisted, Dean was already dead. “And I’m not gonna let you die too.”

“Try and stop me, and I’ll kill you. Bitch,” Sam said and you were a bit proud of him for saying it.

“Hit me with your best shot, baby,” she responded and you rolled your eyes.

“Guys, guys! Hey. Have your little catfight later,” Dean said, pointing out the fact that the entire neighborhood was possessed and they were all standing on their porches.

“Let’s go. Go. Run. Run!” Sam urged, pushing the gate open and running toward the house where Lilith was. He dropped down in front of the door and started picking the lock.

“What the hell’s takin’ so long with the holy water?” Dean asked.

You, Dean, and the demon turned to watch Sam struggle with the lock and he could obviously feel the eyes on him, because he growled out, “I’m trying!”, as the demons started to run across the grass at you.

The sprinklers popped up out of the ground and started a heavy spray of water, which started burning the demons. You and Dean laughed at the success as Sam followed with another, popping the lock on the door to let the four of you inside. There was a dead man right inside the door, flies on his face and you said a silent prayer for him as Dean asked, “You think Lilith knows we’re here?”

“Probably,” you and Ruby whispered. You cringed a bit at the synced response.

When the dad jumped out of the cabinet, Dean slapped his hand over his mouth, assuring the man you were all there to help.

“Sir, where’s your daughter?” Sam asked.

“It’s not…it’s not her anymore,” the man whispered.

“Where is she?” Sam asked again.

“Upstairs. In her bedroom,” he finally answered.

“Okay, okay, okay. Listen to me,” Dean started. “I want you to go downstairs to the basement. Put a line of salt at the door behind you. Do you understand me?”

“Not without my wife,” the man disputed.

“Yes. Without your wife,” you snapped in a whisper.

When the man started to argue, Dean punched him. There wasn’t time for it. You helped Dean by grabbing a salt shaker from the kitchen and following him to the basement. When you got upstairs to the girl’s room, Sam was standing over the girl with the knife, psyching himself up to do what needed to be done. Dean rushed forward and grabbed Sam’s arm to stop him. “It’s not her! It’s not in the girl anymore!”

Panic filled Sam’s scent at the reality of what Dean stopped him from doing.

“Shouldn’t she have been able to tell?” you whispered to Dean as you followed the mother and daughter to the basement to make sure they were safe. “Can’t demons see each other?”

“I mean, you’d think so, but maybe Ruby’s lost her mojo since she’s been hanging with the mortals, I don’t know,” Dean responded as you walked toward the living room.

“To save Dean,” Sam was saying as you and Dean walked in. “What do you need me to do?”

Dean grabbed his shoulder and tried to turn him but he wouldn’t be moved. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Dean demanded.

Sam kept his eyes on Ruby. “Just shut up for a second. Ruby!”

“You had your chance. You can’t just flip a switch. We needed time,” Ruby answered.

“Well, there’s gotta be something. There’s gotta be some way. Whatever it is, I’ll do it,” Sam bargained as Dean grabbed him, trying again to turn him. “”Don’t-Dean. I’m not gonna let you go to Hell, Dean!”

“Yes, you are!” Dean shouted, before taking a breath and letting emotion take over his face and repeating, “Yes, you are. I’m sorry. I mean, this is all my fault, I know that. But what you are doing, it’s not gonna save me. It’s only gonna kill you.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?” Sam asked, tears in his eyes.

Dean sighed and shook his head slightly. “Keep fighting…but not with Dad. He loves you and you’re all he’s got left now. And take care of my wheels. And remember what we taught you.”

Your eyes filled with tears and you had to look away from them so as not to intrude on their final brotherly moment. You looked toward the grandfather clock as it started to chime midnight. Out of time.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I wouldn’t wish this upon my worst enemy,” Ruby said.

Dean turned toward the dining room, his face falling and his scent filling with fear. “Hellhound,” he said quietly.

“Where?” Sam asked, looking for some sign of the demon dog.

“There,” Dean said, nodding toward the dining room.

Ruby looked toward the hound, too, obviously able to see that demon. Something made Dean jump and he ran, everyone following behind. You ran into a home office and slammed the doors shut, Dean pouring goofer dust along the bottom of the doorway, which made the dog stop ramming the doors. He bolted for the window and poured the dust along the sill, keeping the dog from entering there.

“Give me the knife. Maybe I can fight it off,” Ruby said to Sam, holding her hand out for the knife.

Sam’s eyes narrowed with confusion. “What?”

“Come on! That dust won’t last forever,” Ruby said, as Dean turned to see Sam about to hand the knife to Ruby.

“Wait!” Dean called out and Sam stopped.

Ruby glared at Dean. “You _want_ to die?”

“Sam, that’s not Ruby. It’s not Ruby!” Dean shouted.

Ruby’s arm flew out and you and Sam were flung against the wall, pinned and unable to move as Dean flew back to hit a tabletop. “How long you been in her?” Dean demanded.

Her facial expression turned childlike as she looked at Dean. “Not long,” Lilith answered, looking down at her vessel. “But I like it. It’s all grown up and pretty.”

“And where’s Ruby?” Sam asked, his voice strained.

“She was a very bad girl, so I sent her far, far away.”

"Ya know, I shoulda seen it before, but you all look alike to me.”

It looked to you like Lilith was trying to decide whether to be offended by Dean’s comment or not, but then she turned to Sam. “Hello, Sam. I’ve wanted to meet you for a very long time,” she said, stepping forward. You looked away as she forced a kiss on him, their lips sizzling as they touched. “Your lips are soft. Aren’t his lips soft, Y/n?” You swallowed nervously, surprised she knew your name.

“Right, so you have me. Let my brother go,” Sam tried.

“Silly goose. You wanna bargain, you have to have something that I want.” Lilith clicked her tongue derisively. “You don’t.”

“So, is this your big plan, huh? Drag me to Hell, Kill Sam, and then what? Become queen bitch?” Dean asked, sneering.

“I don’t have to answer to puppy chow,” Lilith snapped. She looked your way and you felt an intense fear fall over you. “Think I might take this one back to Hell, too. We don’t really like it when our souls get poached. You made a deal, Y/n, and you didn’t keep your end up.”

“She said she’d go to Hell, she didn’t say she’d _stay_ there!” Dean bit out in your defense.

Lilith hummed and stepped away toward the door, grabbing the handle. “Sic ‘im, boy.” You screamed and squeezed your eyes shut as the hound pulled Dean off of the table. Dean screamed, Lilith laughed, Sam shouted, “No! Stop!”, and you whimpered, tears collecting and rolling down your cheeks.

“ _Stop it_!” Sam shouted. “No! Stop it. _Stop it! No_!”

“Yes,” Lilith said, simply. A white light infiltrated your eyelids and you expected death for you and Sam, but nothing happened. You opened your eyes to see that Lilith had shock on her face. She thrust her hand toward Sam as he walked forward, free from her power holding him to the wall. “Back! I said back!”

Sam bent down and swiped the knife up from the floor. “I don’t think so,” he growled, moving to stab the demon, but she threw her head back and expelled her smoke with a scream. As Ruby’s old vessel fell to the ground, you were dropped from the wall and Sam rushed to Dean. You couldn’t look at him…at either of them. Sam crying over Dean’s bloody body…that image would be seared into your already-broken mind. “No…no…Dean…Dean, please,” Sam begged, his voice breaking.

It was only another few minutes before John and Bobby showed. “Goddammit!” Bobby yelled as they walked in on you and Sam crying. John looked to you, but you shook your head and walked out. It was too much. It was too hard. It was too painful. You exited the house and ran for Bobby’s car, parked on the street. You needed him to take you home. You needed to be away from John and Sam, away from the scent of Dean lingering in his car, away from the memories; both good and bad.

Bobby grabbed your bag out of the GMC and threw it in the backseat of his Chevelle before getting behind the wheel. “You okay, girl?” he asked as he pulled onto the street out of the cul de sac.

You swallowed and shook your head. “No. No, I’m not.” You couldn’t look at the old redneck, opting to look out the window. “I knew it was coming, but I…”

“Was holdin’ out hope,” he finished for you. “Yeah. Me too. I was hopin’ we’d figure an out for him. I was prayin’ for it.”

“Just take me home, Bobby. It’s been too long, ya know?”

“Well, it ain’t the way I thought I’d welcome ya back, but…I’m glad yer comin’ home.”

“Well, it’s where my daddy wanted me to be.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bobby’s eyes went wide when he walked into your room. Your duffel bag was dumped out in the middle of the floor, every pocket unzipped, every article of clothing unfolded and tossed in a pile, every pocket you owned turned out. You were on your knees, sobbing into your hands.

“Y/n, wha-what happened in here?” Bobby asked.

“I lost it!” you screeched. “I’ve looked through everything and it’s gone!” You pulled your hands away and looked up at him. Your eyes were red and swollen, stinging painfully with tears, but your heart hurt more than anything. “It’s gone and I’m never gonna see him again if I don’t find it!”

“Find what? What’d'ya lose?”

“The drachma!” you shouted, grabbing a pair of jeans and shaking them for the fifth time, hoping maybe this time the coin would be there. “The drachma Hades gave me! The only way I would be able to go back and see Dean! I need to go back, Bobby, I need-”

He dropped to the floor on the pile of clothes and grabbed your shoulders. “What are you saying, girl? You can’t go back!”

“I can! I can go back! Hades took me away, he could take me back! Maybe he could help get Dean out like he got me out but I lost the coin and it’s the only way I can call him and I have to go back because I can’t breathe without him, Bobby! I need him and I gotta go back because that’s where my heart is and I can’t breathe without him,” you babbled, before devolving into more tearful sobs.

Bobby pulled you into an embrace and shushed you as you cried into his chest. You felt hysterical and horrible. Your world was crashing down without that coin. It was in your right pocket of your jeans before the Doc Benton case. God, where could you have dropped it? In the motel room? In the shack in the woods? If you’d dropped it in the grave, Hades would have appeared, so it wasn’t buried. Maybe if you retraced your steps, you could find it. As long as you didn’t lose it in New Harmony…you couldn’t go back there.

You tried to pull back from the hug, but Bobby didn’t let you go. “I just lost one of my boys, Y/n. I can’t let you go out there lookin’ fer a coin that’s gonna let you chase after 'im. I’m glad you lost it and when you calm down, girl, yer gonna be glad you couldn’t follow him into Hell, too.”

“Hades would-” you started to argue, but Bobby just shook his head.

“Can’t lose you, too, Y/n. Don’t make me lose you again. Was devastating the first damn time.” He patted your shoulder and ran his hand down your spine as you stopped fighting and surrendered to your tears.

Bobby’s words hit you like bricks, pulling more sobs from you. He was the closest thing you had to a father, ever since yours died, and you hadn’t even considered how your death had affected him. Just like Dean hadn’t considered how his death would affect Bobby, or Sam, or John. You were suddenly angry on top of being absolutely emotionally destroyed. How dare he leave you all behind? How dare he let himself be pulled to Hell? How dare he make the same stupid, selfish choice that you did? How dare he die and leave you all with the aftermath? How dare he leave you behind?


End file.
